19 Hurtful Phrases You Should Never Say to Your Partner

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By Jonathan Trent

When you’re having an argument with your partner, hurtful things can be said in the heat of the moment. You may not mean them, but they can have a catastrophic impact on your relationship. So, here are 19 hurtful phrases that you should never say around your partner!

I Told You So

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Nobody appreciates smugness; it’s one of the most infuriating traits, especially if you keep serving it out to your partner during arguments. It will make your partner feel as though you’re insulting their intelligence, making them feel inferior and beneath you, so just don’t say it!

I Don’t Want to Hear It

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Telling your partner you don’t want to hear what they have to say about something is a last-resort comment that will leave them feeling suppressed and frustrated. It will also damage your connection, as it leads to emotional distancing between partners, as stated by iNews.

Shut Up

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The phrase ‘shut up’ may only consist of two syllables, but it will cut deep if you say it to your partner. It will feel as though you’re denying them their right to say anything, which is deeply hurtful and condescending. You should always resist the urge to say it.

Are You Actually Going to Wear That?

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Asking someone whether they are actually going to wear something, especially if you are about to leave the house, is a sign of coercive behavior, trying to dictate to your partner how they should look. It strips away their individualism and leaves them doubting their appearance, which is just plain mean.

Calm Down

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Everybody knows that when you tell somebody to calm down, they will likely do the opposite. This only builds up your partner’s frustration during the argument, like throwing oil into a fire, as The New York Times suggests. Trust us–it will only escalate the situation!

I Wish I’d Never Met You

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If you’ve uttered this phrase to your partner, there is no turning back. It invalidates the entirety of the relationship, making them feel as though they have wasted your time and theirs. Very few phrases will cut as deep, so don’t even think about saying it to your partner.

You’re Crazy

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One of the harshest things you can do to your partner is have them question their own mind and judgment by telling them that they are crazy. Even if their argument is misinformed and incorrect, keeping things calm and rational on your end is far more productive. Be the better person!

I Don’t Care

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One of the main things your partner will want you to do throughout your relationship is care. To them, the fact that you care will be more than enough, so telling them that you don’t care, even in the heat of the moment, will leave them feeling abandoned and betrayed.

I Hate Your Parents

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If you are aware of your partner’s parent’s disapproval of you, it can be natural to bite back when alone with your partner. However, if you undermine their parents too much, it may come across as though you are trying to drive a wedge between them, making you seem immature and rude.

I Hate You

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If you’ve ever told your partner that you hate them, it’s likely to have arisen out of the heat of the moment and doesn’t hold any real weight. However, it’s still extremely hurtful for your partner to hear due to the emotional significance of the word ‘hate.’ Avoid saying this at all costs!

You’ve Put on Weight

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Commenting on someone’s weight gain, even in jest, can cause more problems than you would initially believe, having a severely negative impact on your partner’s self-esteem. As the National Library of Medicine reports, body image disturbance is associated with multiple mental disorders, so do you really want to be a part of that?!

What Have You Ever Done For Me?

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Asking your partner what they have ever done for you is highly ungrateful and will lead to your partner disconnecting from you. If anything, it’s likely to make them put less effort into the relationship, as they will no longer see the point in trying.

I Wish You Could Be More Like…

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Comparing your partner to someone else will heighten feelings of jealousy and lower self-esteem. Igniting unhealthy competition will ruin all of your partner’s trust in you, eventually leading to the relationship’s downfall. If you value your love, this is a must-avoid. 

My Ex Didn’t…

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Comparing your current partner to your ex is the easiest way to spark jealousy and instability in your relationship. It will make them think that you still have feelings for your ex, even if you don’t, which will eventually build up a barrier between the two of you.

You Always…

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Telling your partner they always do something negative that you don’t approve of will feel like a dagger to their heart, especially if they were not previously aware of it. Nobody likes to feel as though their personality is dislikable, especially if it’s their partner who’s telling them, so just don’t.

I’ll Leave You If…

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If you set up an ultimatum with your partner over something that isn’t overly important, it can leave your partner feeling as though the relationship is fragile. This will cast an ever-looming shadow over your status as a couple, leaving them second-guessing every move they make.

It’s Not a Big Deal

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When you tell your partner that something they are upset over is not a big deal, it can leave them feeling as though their voice is unimportant. Dismissing your partner’s opinions in such a manner can sever the emotional connection, according to CNBC, so just don’t say it.

It’s Fine

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Saying “it’s fine” to your partner offers nothing but doubt. It’s an empty phrase that doesn’t solve anything, and the chances are, all is not fine. It seems you don’t care enough about the relationship to tell your partner what your problem is or how you can solve it.

Nobody Else Would Put Up With You

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Finally, claiming that nobody else would put up with your partner is a common phrase used by abusive partners to entrap someone, lowering their self esteem to the point where they think they’re unloveable. It leaves them feeling that they’re not good enough and that they should be grateful for you taking pity on them. It’s not cool.

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